how to lose your identity

i talk to myself. does anyone else? surely you do. and you refer to yourself by name, don't you? and so, if dreaming of work - and waking up at least three times on saturday morning and thinking, no! don't dream of work! and then falling back asleep and doing it all again - was not bad enough, then calling myself 'david' has made me stop in my tracks whilst cleaning the flat (and how wonderfully clean it is now. i'd forgotten how rewarding it is to have clear surfaces). it's because no-one's around to call me grilly. so it was awesome that out of the blue, like a big gay jesus, peter descended on manchester. we went to manto's with his friend emily, which was a wierd, trashy dive of a bar, with an atmosphere five hours ahead of itself. i loved it. and i got a compliment on my hastily made "pessimism is a luxury we can't afford" t-shirt (making t-shirts rocks, especially when they used to be a 'cool' branded t-shirt that you turned inside out. this one was a 'computer love' shirt with a designer's republic style front saying 'computer love', wittily enough, which i got from work. but it was a lovely green so i thought i'd keep it. i saw a girl on a tram with a t-shirt that had 'geek' on the front, and i thought, oh that's quite cool, but then she had 'chic' on the back with 'computer love' in small letters underneath it, and i realised just how shit the brand was for making that t-shirt, and her for wearing it). drinks were on 2-for-1 so by the time we stumbled out for (shit, shit) pizza i was completely shicker. i had to go home to get a jumper. i stayed at home for couple of hours trying to sober up, during which time, jess rang! preparing myself with extra thick coat and hoody, as well as a good selection of cds for the short journey (i brought my painkiller album. i never thought i'd want to buy another painkiller album after getting the two-on-one disc collection in the earache 'jazz-noisecore' pack, but since i've realised how cool john zorn (sax) is, and last night i found out how cool bill laswell (bass) is, and there's a live album with patton on in piccadilly records.. i might have to get it..) so i went off to pete's mate's house's warming party and it was good.

before i set out, i quickly knocked pete up a mix disc. here is the tracklisting - mainly for you, pete, but also a guide to what i'm listening to at the moment (which is the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD):

tv on the radio - ambulance
this albums really grown on me, which is odd because i bought it thinking it was going to be great, and now i think it's good, but even positive thinking couldn't make it good at first. it just had to work it's way into my head. how does that work live? when you've only got thirty minutes to make an impression, how can you be a grower?
assfunk - oral contraception
ryan's clearly the star of this mixtape, appearing on three songs. i can't help thinking of my song 'ayufa' when i found out the title of this, with it's sample of the famous woody allen joke. i hope this song gets firmly implanted in your head as it did mine.
agoraphobic nosebleed - isis and boris
more akin to pig destroyer's 'natasha' than the usual anb (although i'm only judging off one album) (and scott hull plays guitar in both bands), i apologise if the volume on these first three tracks isn't quite normal, and hope you didn't crash your car when this song kicked in, pete (if you've got a cd player in your car, i mean). this song can and should be downloaded off anb's holding page
eels - i'm going to stop pretending that i didn't break your heart
just dead nice. i've rediscovered 'blinking lights' since getting the live dvd, which is generally better than the studio recordings.
john zorn - beeroth
a little yidski jazz.
charlottefield - clipper
still the best band in brighton? i've not been around.
euros childs - amsermaemaiyndod (live at king's arms, salford)
i linked to this before. i do believe that second shriek of glee is me.
seal cub clubbing club - P (ee/es) S / P (ee/e) M
i saw them supporting the brakes and christt, i did. and very good they were too.
assfunk - easter fugging
more spoof r 'n' b. i should point out that that's not all ass funk ltd (as they seem to be calling themselves now) do, but these two are probably the most instantly satisfying on the album.
mugison - the chicken song
there is no representative mugison song, but he is wonderful and strange.
nes advantage - this day is done
i've become quite addicted to 'the sounds of heart failiure: championship edition'.
alun tan lan - glaw
he's great and all.

if anyone who can't make this album themselves from there own record collection would like a copy, please leave a comment.
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