trainspotting

i am a junky. an incurable, life-long addict. it soaks me up into it and makes me forget everything else, both pleasures and aches. i can go for years without it, and only feel the odd pang, but when it comes back it's like it never went away. those crazy games.

i bought thief 2.

i only went into game because i had a few minutes and it was next door to somerfield. it was a fiver, coupled with thief 1 (not the gold version, dammit). it's beautiful. it's what i've been missing and i've indulged myself in it whenever i have had a chance this weekend. when i first started playing it struck me.. the opiate rush of relaxation (not that i've ever had opiates). i feel so much better now, and it quite worries me. i've not played a pc game since theif 1 last year. there are no hobbies, only lifestyle choices.

so speaking of hobbies, i've added another couple to my list. i've going to exegise. i have views that i hold to be sensible and self-evident, and yet people disagree with me. thus i feel the need to write down exactly what i think about the universe, and why, and see if it makes sense and stands up to argument.
this goes on the end of my list of endless projects. i've got the comic to write. i want to jeffery brown-ise my last relationship. become a serious website guy. 'on benefit' seems to be taking forever to finish, and i feel like i'm living someone else's fantasy with it - me, 6 months ago. it's not relevant anymore (it was never a concept album to start with). i'm completely confused as to who i'm making music for now. it was always just for me. if so, why compile it into an album? for my friends. but now that i'm moving towards selling out (in the least painful way possible) maybe i should just pile up demos to fall back on.

which brings me to my next sticking point - what the fuck i'm going to do.

a) drop out and grow crops. it's always an option.
b) do computer stuff. i've not found any work in it yet, but maybe i just don't know how to look.
c) teach. cirriculum or steiner?
d) music. (largely) beyond my control.


i got called 'brains' in the office the other day. i found that quite offensive. i did have my 'mind hacks' book in so maybe that didn't help.