i am sick and i am dull and i am plain.

the blanka ending is up. navigate!
and yes, i now realise that 'attack me if you dare, i will crush you' is actually ken's catch phrase; what i meant to say was 'you did quite well, you but you need more training to defeat me!" ryu; good chap, nobel, but with a personality like a basket of hotel laundry.

the weekend was danny coming down. i couldn't really think of anything to do except the beach, so we went there a lot. i enjoyed the new episode of dr. who, up until the ending which was completely rubbish, and then i thought back and the more i thought about it the worse the whole program was. it had some of the classic about it - the shop dummy holding the 'anti-plastic' right above the evil nested conciousness, and the wheelie bin monster; and the conspiracy nut in his shed was a good way to reintroduce the quality. but what's the point in simply re-doing 'spearhead from space'? not as well? with someone an actor who's distinguishing dr who feature seems to be that they don't have any distinguishing features (n.b. being from the north is not a distinguishing feature. especially when you set the whole episode in london)?

and billie? billie 'because we want to' piper? billie piper evans? she was alright actually.

which takes us to last night, when i learned how to build a pc, because i had to (not a billie reference). dan tried for the twenty minute transfer a pc scramble, and nearly did, except that then i put to put it all back again into the original shell because the graphics card (which was the whole point) didn't fit in it after all(sorry if you're reading this before i get a chance to speak to you dan). while i was doing this, yer woman astra called me and we went out to see some comedy at the joogleberry play house. it wasn't spectacular. dear compere, assuming that a web designer has no freinds, despite him sitting with at least three people, does not equal humour. and when the compere is rubbish, it does make you wonder about the other acts who are coming on; they were all hit and miss. the first two were mildly funny at best, and the last (meryl o'rourke) was actually funny at best, despite hiding behind a default comic delivery persona. they had a get up and tell a joke bit, so i told doctor who joke (variation one), and won a shot of house spirit for my trouble, despite not knowing as many people as the sound man - the other person who told a joke. sweet pansy decker, it was a good night.

p.s. this is my favourite smiths song.


another horseman (or footsoldier)

"The Office" (2005)

we really should make a 'footsoldiers of the apocalypse' blog. move all our complaining into one handy forum.


kieretsu in the name of the law

a rare picture (i suppose barney must have taken it) of toys-bishops-audience* collaboration, 'bigger than kieretsu'. they were also bigger than this photo.

*the actual audience, not 'theaudience'.

we got..
dale hitting a travel case
sarah playing bass
andy singing lead vocals
grilly singin rythym vocals and playing guitar
ray playing sax
a man playing didgereedo (in D, i seem to remember)
pete playing clarinet
ed drumming
in the background: tom hitting a calippo tube
someone quite tall..
chris and jez must have been offstage.
was their anyone else?

a reunion is surely in order.

father of boon are nice.


thanks to rufus..

i finally got around to finding rufus' satires of 11th of september poetry:
I ran
osama bin converted
i'll let them speak for themselves, but bear in mind the 2005 copyright can't be correct because he told me about them last year, so i've no idea how old they are.

be warned; all the worst poets in the world dump their load into poetry dot com.

some ongoing lists

words that are better than 'retard':
whitard ('s)

films that were better than the matrix:
dark city

(yes they were!)

songs about felatio:
chelsea hotel number two, leneord cohen
be aggresive, faith no more
catholic girls, frank zappa

please add more.


shotgun dave rides east

possibly tim dantay's best piece of work. if you haven't got the dvd, track it down you fuckers. it's the finest slice of surreal inaction ever to come out of doncaster.

yesterday, l and i went for a walk. cuh, what saddos, eh? who does that these days? it's been almost two years since i've been for a walk in brighton, without existensial ankst as a possible source code...

(but, shit, it will always seem that is the case; why else walk back from campus through stanmer park, {without seeing some bipedal creature across the valley at two in the morning, as astra was just explaining to me [although quite how she could see that far at that time is a mystery...]} on your own? how can you tell loneliness from simply wanting to walk up a hill alone? it's telling that i find them to be similar feelings; i never feel as in touch with reality as when i feel completely empty)

... so it was such a relief to walk up to the highest point in brighton on a beautiful misty day (a shame we couldn't see the sea, but no matter how misty, you can always see the sun) {that's because if you couldn't see the sun it would be fog. ed. now enough tautologies!}. l was hugely nostalgic. as we were walking up, we could hear these wierd atom heart mother horn blasts coming from behind the gorse bushes.. as we investigated, we found ourselves at the top of wild park, looking down at a large brass/percussion band in the basin (wild park is a very strange geographical formation, like a huge aborted railway cutting, or a pair of ginormous legs; as ever, it's the develop-proof bits of land that are given over to public use). as we walked down that balmy evening, cutting through sparse woods to get straight to the action, we discovered the 6th hove just about to pack up. listen to their recordings, they're prog-terror-core!

i started working on a remix of mastodon (leviathan track one), entitled 'must have done', but listening to that intro guitar riff 50 times flaccidated any enthusigasm i had. so i loaded up the mp3 player, picked up my cd for astra - a folk into indietronica mix - and headed off to the walmer. i missed the show, but got to chat to her for an hour, so it was effort well rewarded.

a pig, in a cage, on antibiotics.

from ghost in the shell: stand alone complex.


attack me if you dare, i will crush you.

ryu is online.

this is part one complete. over the coming six weeks, one character ending will be added to the pictures page every monday, just to keep you in suspense (they're already layed out and ready for publication).

so the prize from the boon; their debut e.p., which is completely great, and a pair of comfortable black undies with 'father of boon are nice' cleanly written across them. you can see a photo tomorrow. it's great having an excuse to get your keks out in public. however, i already have a copy of the e.p., so would anyone like it? it's really quite properly exciting music. i don't like first come first served - it doesn't fit my world view - so whoever wants it the most can have it.
so, start bidding.

love, grili

you must defeat my dragon punch to stand a chance...

my heart belongs to dandy

my head's not been straight for days. maybe it's because of the three o'clocker i did on thursday; the stronger possibility is that i've been waiting for unnovations. it's been first thing on my mind when i wake up; i'll have had a dream that it arrived, flicked through it's pages, been so happy; only to find it's not on the door mat. i'll dream that it's not arrived at all, and wake up to the second disapointment of a nightmare come true. i'll hear the post drop, the distinctive sound of a jiffy bag plopping through the letter box; it's a cd that jess doesn't even want. worst/best was friday; i tear my door open and find two packages placed against it. two! i hadn't been expecting anything, well, not since i didn't expect to ever actually recieve anything from father of boon after i was the 100th signer of their guestbook (permalink), and i certainly didn't expect to recieve a letter from sarah (of the fisherm[e/a]n), plus the cds that i'd lent her when i saw her in december). i didn't think these things would come. but there they were.
and where was my book?
understand, i was tremendously pleased to get two unexpected packages on the same day. but i couldn't appreciate it, because this book thing has gone on for too long, longer than the '6 working days delivery' limit even suggested. i need that book now.
i suppose what i really want is a kissmammal.


the consolations of philosophy.

as i am getting off the train to falmer (university of sussex), i walk past a girl reading alain de botton's 'the consolations of philosophy'. within a few mental bursts, a whole series of different 'conversation paths' (i think that's the rpg term) had been explored and yet i was only dimly aware of them. here, i try and excorcise them.

what actually happened:
i got on the train at london road. at falmer, two stops later, i got up from my seat and walked towards the doors. i noticed a girl was reading the book. she didn't seem to be making any moves to leave the train at this campus stop. we parted ways, it was a mutual thing.

variation one:
as i get on the train, i notice a girl is reading alain de boton's consolations of philosophy. great, here's my chance, i think: i stranger with a common interest!
"you know, that's one of my favourite books." say i.
"really? i'm not that impressed with it so far. it's all a bit obvious, isn't it?"
"m." i sit back and open screen burn. as i leave the train, i glance, but she doesn't.

variation two:
as i get on the train, i notice a girl is reading alain de boton's consolations of philosophy. top! i introduce myself.
"you know, that's one of my favourite books," say i.
"really? well, it's great so far. it makes so much sense, it's all so true, the things about happiness and accepting the inevitable."
"i know. i can't say it changed my life, but it summed up things i thought i knew but couldn't put my finger on."
"yes. great." she looks back to her book, i get out mine. she doesn't notice that it's by charlie brooker.
i get off the train at falmer, we make eye contact again, smile, and nod.
whilst quiet and uneventful, had we been on a longer train journey, who knows what would have happened?
2.5: we talk, but she has a job or something and lives in lewes and nothing happens

variation three:
as i'm getting off the train at falmer, a girl stood next to me by the doors is carrying the book. "oh wow!" i say.
we chat on the way to campus. it turns out we have other similar interests. i foister my number. she never calls.

variation four:
as i'm getting on the train, a mad horny woman grabs me, throws me into the toilet and forces herself upon me. i miss my stop and get off at hastings. i notice she has among her belongings a book i really like.

and in a way, this isn't just a story about the consolations of philosophy: the book; it is as much about how philosophy can console, especially when walking past a human reading a book you like and you don't have time to do anything about it, but you've plenty of time to think about it but can't really even do that because you're so damaged from working too late last night.

jeffry lewis would maintain to be postive, because maybe someone out there is writing something like this about me. i can't imagine why anyone would.

you can expect a remix of 'the girl in the kid a top' along these lines, or 'the girl with the salad fingers hoodie' or 'the girl with the brian froud lunchbox'.

what do you call a dress worn by faeries?
a froudian slip!


at which point...

...jess declared she was in fact getting a a friend for rothko (i.e. a CAT), and going to feed it meat, which wasn't the point at all. oh well. at least there will be a house-trained cat around, but not ethically on my conscience. which is great!

thursday night was the abi and astra show, on tour, at the koba jazz coktail and money lounge. some nice new songs and finished with 'liberty', which might be my favourite one. it's nice to have an excuse to visit somewhere as swank as koba - 'an exclusive meeting place for like minded people' (website) and since we were guestlisted, we felt free to spent a whack load on 5.45 professionally,expertly mixed drinks, that ending up just tasting of cucumber. a bit. peter baynham was there, taking a break from his strenuous post as 'script consultant' on NaBar.

there was in fact no guest list, nor entry fee.

and what about sunday morning? it reminded me a little of christmas - sneaking out of the door as soon as you wake up, only this time it's not too see how big your presents are, it's to see if the girl loz brought home (just to add some mystery here, you understand, because there really isn't enough)'s coat is still over the banister, and it is, and you're really happy, and you and rothko and jess have a little celebratory dance and giggle and smile.

it was julie, by the way.

charina: now there's a chipper lass. something edinburghian about her (link stolen from dan).

i've been thinking/feeling about the 'burgh a lot recently. i really miss that town, and its inhabitants. i dreampt i was in trouble, so i packed up my laptop and rang tom brimelow, friend from school, and he drove down and got me. he's lost my number, again, the blaggard.
i wonder if any of my school chums read this? please leave a comment if you do. i could do a user survey and everything.


i've landed.

jess: we can get a kitty.

and for some reason:
vegan pr0n

my trip to london last night with mat and ed, is summed up in this here haiku.

drag me around camden
the drummer from simian
remembered my name

james ford said "it's grilly, isn't it?". my jaw hit the flaw. i love this band so much. this is the best band in the world. i'm so happy.

i don't remember telling him my name. it must have been at that simian mobile disco aftershow with the really cute tour manager. i wondre if he remembered me when i was the only person dancing at the brighton gig.

of course, even garden, very good, weren't like the old days. but it was just great to see them on stage. i wanted to hang out and hobnob but the others prefered down stairs, so that was fine. i hope they got on, obviously mat and ed bring out completely different sides of me, so it was a wierd evening. then i got too drunk and wandered round westminster waiting for my train listening to hail to the theif, trying not to wake the street sleepers.


the man of shtetl

those poor daffodils. saintt daffyd's day came and went and they were covered in snow, trying to poke their little yellow heads out into the cold. bless 'em.
there are two new songs online - a new song, 'midweek cd purchase' and a new old song, 'fanthorpe' (dedicated to our dear reverand - what a life he's had! if i used the word 'like' (without the justifier 'it's', i'd say 'he's had, like, the coolest life ever!') midweek cd purchase is deeply flawed, i'm really sorry about the bark at the end - i'll be able to pull it off live, but in my room where upstairs my housemate is having his physio round, and i've no beer, it sounds really pathetic. i need to work my my metal accent. it was recorded in two days and what with academia, i couldn't be bothered to get it sounding 'right'. please use your imagination. conversely, fanthorpe's been in production about three years, the guitar recording is contemporaneous with womansour. new songs go here.

more horsemen: things i hadn't mentioned from my trip to bath. in clinton fucking cards, they were clipped on to the bottom of the display stand. firstly, i couldn't get over the size of bath's clinton fucking card shop. it is positively cathedralic. i wandered round and round like alice in commerceland looking for something (specifically for alec meer's birthday). after toying with the idea of doing over a 'little brother' card, "where do people like you come from?" the pointlessly mr. tourette-ical "whore cunt", until i thought that buying a genuinely nice card to reflect my genuine affection for alec would be a better idea so i bought one with a dinosaur on the front. but before i found the 'value' section, i saw them. the cds. 'songs for my girl', with a generic woman on the front. a collection of smooth soul classics for the special person in my life, be it girl, boy, or for some reason, father. huh? i mean, HUH? this is an object that can only be used to end a relationship. what better way to say 'you're dumped' than by giving someone a mix cd that you didn't even make? show your apathy with clinton cards - because we don't give a fuck either.
it even had the name of the guy who compiled it on the back. some shmo, hell's bells, it's like "all back to mine: me" here.

is superman jewish? asks howard jacobson. get to around 25 minutes for a short diversion into the jewish justice league.

speaking of comics, i greatly enjoyed grant morrison's issue 0 of soldiers of victory, although jess only thought seaguy, which i loved, was only 'okay'. dc comics have got him working like a dog at the moment.

hats off to keanu reaves for pissing me off no end by starring in "a scanner darkly", one of my favourite books, and then going and starring in fucking constantine too! if i'd ever read it, i'd be well hitlered.

another thing about bath: as i was leaving, i said to dan "i've really got to get over the whole control freak music thing at parties." dan said to the effect of "yes, by all accounts you were being a bit of an arse." for some reason i really felt hurt by that - i'm admitting guilt, but he really drove it home (for avoidance of confusion, i'm not hurt by danny, but other's recognition of my actions).

on friday l and i found ourselves at the gloster, courtesy of julie keller (it was jacks's birthday). miss pain girl and heidi heelz, for all their faults, do an excellent indie night. they played 'this town ain't big enough for the both of us' and the 12" mix of personal jesus and oh so many classics-well-not-real-classics-but-really-good-songs. although i suspect they're really a freindly user interface for the slightly older man. and miss pain girl does have a rediculous pony tail.

unnovations is so out of print, it's going for 30 quid on amazon second hand. which made an offer of 16 pounds seem so reasonable.
the only other thing i have to say is that we watched the dark crystal last night. i haven't seen it since i got the world of the dark crystal

for christmas; the philosophy and art in the film is quite subtle but it is there. for instance, there's no explicit link made between Aughra having one eye and her witnessing the great conjunction.

he's a killer for your love


sex dogs for the impotent

"a computer with address tried to connect to your computer using default block blade runner trojan horse."

is that as stupid as it sounds? maybe it's not.

yesterday i saw a girl having a fried breakfast, eating around the her egg yolk and then binning it. what's the world coming to?


i'm writing from home.

on a tiny keyboard attached to a tiny PC plugged into the internet. it's so much fun. and i've so much to tell you. oh, all about the new song, midweek CD purchase, and the new photo stories that'll be online soon, and, oh, the weekend at danny's, helping him move (by taking lots of his kit), then traversing the underground laden down by an xbox, a pc, an audigy sound card and oh so many books. my room is like a danny shrine. and then to get to Angel and have no batteries and i don't know what to do, and you can always count on a stranger to be there to provide a power source and a new body. anyway it was days ago now and jo's gone to the USA with andy and thank you, esther, for putting me up because there was no way i was going to make that 1AM brighton train. and i had so many opinions that i can't remember now, but now i can just put them straight up here! no more pooey univertsity for me. i'll be lucky if i even go in for exams now.

last night Eliza Carthy played, and i wasn't there to see it. piss!

interestingly: i wasn't sure this was going to happen, but i where there's a market, there's a way... album 3

today will be remembered as the day in which people got in touch with me. the lovely simon mcgregor asked me to go to the cinema (no, i'm doing computery things) Ewa (whom i've named my project after - the rather tenuous "evolutionary melody attenuator [yswidt]) texted and asked for my adress - that's going to be exciting - and even rachael thought to just text a simple 'hello! xx'. but cream of the crop (?) was a guestbook entry and email from marque 'shmellow (so vaguely remembered that assumed the email was unsolicited junk, they always have names like that. that's how unused i am to getting emails). i met marque (i remember him as his email adress 'yumgoth') at leeds fest 2000 when i was with robbie humphries, adam green, et al. (highlight? not going to see at the drive-in. if only i'd known then.) he came over on the last night looking for smokes and played a couple of good songs (that's all i can remember about them) on the camp guitar. i think i played him 24 hour garage people. we swapped emails addresses. he had a really good digital pop-core band called 'candungo burro' that really affected me, as i was in durham then, and had downloaded certain music apps, and was experimenting with production resulting in try the view change button. in a way, i owe marque a lot; did he put the squelches in the final version of going for a pie? we lost touch, as people who only exist over the internet do. so it was absolutely delightful for him to find me. take that, julie langham grilly. so, thank you everyone that links to me and makes me so googlable. it's nice to be wanted.

p.s. along the same lines, thanks to everyone who read the last two posts and enjoyed them.

pps. oh yeah, and if anyone's in london next monday, there's trial and error records night i want to go to. xx