i was very stressed after work today, i don't know why. i tramped down oxford road, and stopped for a big issue seller. he was completely pathetic and i bought one to put my soul at ease. he seemed quite confused - he said, i know i've already stopped you once but please buy one. they're supposed to be 'working, not begging', right? when i said okay, he completely changed his attitude, and started explaining what was in it like i'd never bought it before (maybe the person he mistook me for was more offensive to him). he only added to my frustration, and then the 8th day had packed away their sosmix rolls that i really wanted. after posting my time sheet, i thought it would be a good idea to sit down and breathe (despite being in the middle of the city). after four or five big deep breaths, i looked up and realised they'd taken the scaffolding off john rylands library, and it was magnificent.
i wondered, if i'd sat down and relaxed any where, would i have looked up and seen something beautiful?
i was complaining of near r.s.i. from work at the green man (something that after only three days back is causing me discomfort even now), so danny gave me his wrist band. it's great and colourful, but i found the crocodile logo on it annoying. on the verge of blackspotting it, i realised it was me that was branded, not the wristband; it was actually just a cute picture of a crocodile. nothing branded at all. i realised i should be able to stare at it and not see the corporation, but the images for what they are - random slices of light of different wavelengths, given meaning by this sentient meat.
i used to despise being called 'sir'. but considering it's unavoidable, p'haps i could affect greater change, and easier, by calling servers 'sir' back, or possibly pre-emptively? but then what do you call women - sir or madam? i don't ever remember hearing madam? and doesn't that only have sarcastic implications these days?
one thing stressful about working in manchester business school is the courses. i'm enrolling person after miserable person on these rediculous, useless courses, often in contrast with absolutely fascinating subjects. tell me - would you rather study BIOL 30131 - Ancient Egyptian Mummies: A Resource For Biomedical & Scientific Study, or BMAN 30131 - Accountability and Auditing? they run a course in political marketing. terrifying. 'oh,' you say, being a cunt, 'but someone's got to study it. got to live in the real world.' but being a cunt, you don't realise that this is not a politics course, it's a business course. read this taken from the website:
On completing the course, the students will have understanding and knowledge of:
The theory and practice of political marketing
The fundamentals of political marketing management
a variety of contemporary topics facing political marketing today.
clearly taken from figure one of 'how to be a lecturer'.
they have courses like 'international human resource mangagement' (can you imagine?) and 'managing diversity'. i can't remember if you get a bsc or a ba from these, but i don't think you should get either - there should be a different name for this sort of thing.
i ask the applicant in my head why they'd rather study accounting than mummies and bio-archeology.
"that's not going to put food on the table," they say.
but what's the point of putting food on the table when you've nothing to talk about over dinner, when you don't know anything interesting? why? why don't you just die? this place really brings me out in a rash.
also, i'm sure studying mummies will put plenty of food on the table, you greedy shit.
why do birds suddenly appear?
i mean seriously, why?
what's all that about?
what's the point?
every time i think about the world, i get back to the basic problem being people. so maybe i should become a serial killer or something. just perform pointless, surreal, nihilistic acts.
but killing on individual basis has two problems:
klling on a larger scale would be much more productive, and remove the individual 'tragedy' from the deaths.
and how cool would it be to be in a band that actually killed people?
so i thought about this, and thought about destroying a city, because that's where people are concentrated in vast numbers, and any nature that there is there is a piss-take of real nature and should be destroyed along with it. i realised i had become a pagan from thief.
and then i thought of all the museums and libraries that would be destroyed too, and realised it was probably a bad idea.
so apparently they proved cold dark matter exists, and down-graded pluto to a minor planet. reality is cool.
so i saw waking life again last night. it really is that good. made me all excited about trying lucid dreaming again, which just makes me frustrated when i wake up and think 'oh noes! it was a dream! if only i'd realised!'