i've lost my faith in womanhood

it had to happen eventually; i got over it. not her, them. all of them.
conversations like this happen to me in clubs, in my head (click for legibilty):

it's not supposed to be funny.
girls in clubs can fuck off. you're drunk, there's a simulation of the dresden blitz going on, people keep bumping into you and sticking their feet uderneath yours, and you're expected to notice if someone's flirting with you? dude, i'm dancing.
you understand that this says more about me than society. you know she's not flirting with me; my beast inside noticed her exposed v-line and forearms and started certain trains of thought... it is these i am reacting against, not women. but phenomenonally, there's no difference. i have awakened from my mental disaster over a virtual girl with a renewed perspective on life. i am not going to let myself belong to the next person who notices me (even this sentence makes me sick with it's underlying assumption that someone will). my dreams have died and i'm now free. although.. maybe i'm just finally caving in under the weight of my inhibitions.

it's just that...

anyway, this is how i felt. ah, anxiety. my treadmill: finding the balance between not caring so much about final work that i get fantastically stressed (i hate to attribute stress in other areas of my life to work, but admit it's a strong possibility), but caring enough to do it.

anna letts came down and we went to see keiretsu. they weren't on 'til half one in the morning, by which time we were nearly dead and loz was dreaming of chips but the kitchen at the concorde smells like chinese food from hell. despite all this, when the 'tsu came on it was mad action, a skyburst of energy. shirtless madmen wielding bottles of smirnoff ice wobbling to fully influenced-up d'n'b. some of their actual tunes are still a bit wussy, but the performance, the passion and the production were awesome. they made an hour seem like twenty minutes.

tomorrow night is the ukelayle research and development society at fringe bar - antifolk open mike, 6 minute slots, ukelayle not essential. suggestions for songs?

and like it or not, there's another street fighter 2 endingup. in this week's episode, aimee gets to play a starring role and m bison actually gets killed. sorry for the lack of drag - fans were probably expecting more than andy dressed as ken's girlfriend liza. last one next week - zangief (enhanced version). we didn't get around to doing eddy or dhalsim, so i'm afraid they'll have to wait or be ignored.


gxxx