today, she told me i couldn't contribute to the office soundscape and put a cd on.
joanna: i want to listen to the radio.
grilly: i *don't* want to listen to the radio.
joanna: there are other people in this office, you know.
why doesn't she know? how simple is she? of course i won't put on my offensive music. i put on my acceptable music.. and she goes and demonstrates her ringtones over it, while saying, 'no, this one's really annoying' to her neighbour. doesn't she realise that what i play is alrady a compromise? and why doesn't she understand democracy? there are three people in a room, therefore, time is split evenly between them as to what is played. i am happy with silence at work, fuck, i prefer it to the distress i get from key 103. if, there are five people in a room, and four want to listen to the radio, that still leaves me with time in a working day to put a fucking cd on, and still i try and not piss people off as much as they deserve for putting me thruogh this crap.
i could go on about what i hate about the radio. the adverts first, then the djs, then the music. but what i really hate is her, because of how she hates me with no reason, and because she makes me believe that the class system has something to say (no! cause and effect, dammit!).
the ironic thing is, the job isn't that bad. i've got to the stage where i've accepted it, and i could do it for another month (although i'd have to accept that i could do it indefinately before i'd really broken/been set free), but i have to get away from her. it's not healthy for me to be around her. i don't like disliking people. i'm terrified of what it could do to me, even if i try to stop it. i clearly don't belong there, and while trying to persevere has it's merits, what happens if i lose my a piece of my mind trying?
* lifelong disappointment
* because you're crippled by self-awareness, and they're not