stress and anxiety over my going-nowhere application to start teacher training this year. i've suffered two rejections - one quick, the other after 'passing the first hurdle - and i can't see any reason why the others would accept. if they do, then i've got to get past my first interview since... spannerworks.
so i'll probably have to rethink my 'plans'. do i spend the year getting the experience i need, and reapply for the year after, or chuck the whole idea in the bin and figure out something else?
i've finally got the gig bug. i was at emma's first gig with world before wireless last night and wanted to be on stage. i was itching to go. it's a bourgeoning addiction and it's wyrd to notice it at these early stages. i like to think it's rocking out that does it, the andrelin, feeling the music, but of course there's the attention too. but then on stage, you can't really see the audience. it's nice when they clap without prompting innit though. mustn't let it get out of control - but i wish i was in a position where it might. last saturday's gig was great - i'm enjoying them a lot more now that i'm letting myself drink before hand (with a whisky on my amp to keep my throat warm).
i'm re-reading the silmarillion, which is great and i only read it last year - memorably, on a couch in a belly dancing club while watching rachel but being to tired/self-concious to go dance - but he's hardly worked out a coherent view of his magic system, has he? creatures just seem to have powers without explanation; glaurung's gaze might freeze you, or make you forget everything. luthien and put people to sleep or make her hair go all rapunzley, melian can hide whole kingdoms. in this post-d&d world, fantasy worlds are almost built around modular skills and levelling up - night watch immediately springs to mind, it's not even dressed up in that. 'i'm only a level two technician' and so on.
and with that, i'm going to go and play ultima underworld 2 on my lunch hour. there's something about stress and anxiety that makes a person want to... withdraw.