Friday

mp3 of the

crotchduster - mammal sauce

i should also point out, to those who are interested, that this track is available both on crotchduster's only record, 2003's 'big fat box of shit', and earache's mammoth bargain compilation, which reminds me a bit of those 'four discs of 80's hits for a fiver' box sets advertised endlessly on mtv when i was a kid. maybe they still are.

i heard of crotch duster ages ago, but never got round to listening to them; from the bunf they sounded quite exciting, but also a joke, so i wasn't about to skip them to the top of my 'must buy' list. they're a spin off of capharnaum, a really rather wonderful death/prog metal band. you could check them out too, at least they're still good on the second listen.

Wednesday

worst 428 quid i ever spent

if you know me, you know i'm terribly regretful. there's not much about my life, even the good bits, that i don't regret in some way (sorry about the double negative here. it just flows better).

possibly one of my biggest regrets i can think of right now is the last month. see, things that you can regret you can usually learn from. what can i learn from the last month - a month where i have been so unproductive as to achieve virtually nothing worthwhile, a month that has cost me 428 pounds in rent and got me absolutely nowhere? what can i learn; 'don't do it again'? the problem with trying to do something like look for work, and failing, is that with hindsight you could have spent the time so much more productively. which is why agencies usually come in handy, but reed have really let me down over the last couple of weeks.

i'm not giving up, like i did yesterday, but i have had some kind of epiphany today and i'm just going to enjoy these last few days before i go away, keep applying, nay, redouble my efforts, and trash out some covers and remixes because i just haven't done enough of that stuff recently.

otherwise...

completely out of the blue, there's a new irrk records compilation:
(IRRKSOME 6) POINTS.//.LINES-10.. with BOXED IN, BLUE MINKIES, SLEEPING STATES, BARE KNEES, VOETSEK, KORT PROSESS, DUMPSTER DEMPMASTER, CLAQUE, THE PACT, LIANNE HALL, DRUNK GRANNY, WET DOG, ROBOTNICKA, CRUNCH PUSH UPS, I KNOW I HAVE NO COLLAR.

which will no doubt be great. wierd surprise isclaque being on there; my good buddy ewa gave me a cd of theirs, what with her mate being in the band, and it's great. and robotnicka, who jess bought me an (split) album by, not knowing the irrk connection. it'll be good, and i'll get my copy when i have a job, and a turntable.

Sunday

DJ x and MC y

ways and means
slap and tickle
carrott and stick
shits and giggles
cause and effect


and so on.
the week wasn't too good - besides meeting my old pal sam, who now lives in a warehouse (no, actually a warehouse, with boxes in and everything), and matt coming over for tea and iannuchi, i spent my days going slowly mad in the confines of my room. watching vanilla sky on friday night confounded once again that terrible feeling of lack of stimulation.

spoiler warning!
while many many people must have written many many words about this film, i feel compelled to add to the shit heap. firstly it's the least good 'what's going on?' film i've seen - it basically lifts it's plot from red dwarf's 'better than life' episode where rimmer's subconcious acts out malicious fantasies on him. for the most part it felt like it was trying to be clever without actually being clever, until i think the fourth fifth or third quarter, when i think it actually started being clever, and then the end.. i hate it when a story has a 'this is actually what happened' ending that completely explains everything, especially one that deals with self-deception and madness, because you honestly can't tell if it's any more true than the rest of the film. it's about layers of reality i suppose, which i think is about chapter four of godel escher bach. and then there was the music, which was too loud. this film broke the golden 'don't use a familiar song at music video volume to show what's going on in someone's head' rule, was one of three things that also let down the educators, co-incidentally also using a jeff buckley song (the other things that let down the educators were the annoying 'trick' ending that wasn't a trick as much as the director lying to you with cameras, and the brighton audience i saw it with). for all that, it was quite good.

after wards, katie and i talked about wierd dreams and non-dreams, and i commented how we would probably now have reall wierd dreams in the morning. and we did.

end spoiler.

then yesterday, i took my self into essex - brentwood, tbp - to play on either chris or rifa's radio shows on pheonix fm (it was rifa who told me to come down and bring a guitar {to which i supposed might mean 'play on the show' but in anxiety also supposed that she just might want to be entertained while she was cueing up records, in the same way that a person might say 'i really want to sleep with you' to another person and then say 'i only said sleep.' i don't have this anxiety in particular, it's just a good example}, but i was late and ended up on chris' show after the love music hate racism interview). this session was recorded by my loyal fan base/record company, and is available by clicking on my face on the top of the side bar on the right. then we went for a a posh snack and a chat and a hang out and we all went home. i made a mix for thalia, whose birthday it be, and went out to her party at a belly dancing club (natch). i felt like lead, so i couldn't really move. but by pulling my hoody on i became something else, dancing to the dark rhthyms inside the beats.. for a bit. then i got tired again and read the silmarillion. then i went home. i think i need more energy and floradix pops into my head. one day of fun seems too much for me..

i woke up this morning feeling excellent and full of love. i began reading 'teach yourself zen' again, and now i'm going out to the park to plan the girlfriend experience album begining to end. so that's good.

Tuesday

indie

i forgot to say - i unsubscribed from the indie releases in the piccadilly records newsletter. i am no longer informed as to the massive trawl of pure indie records that flood my inbox every week. for better or for worse...

Monday

it's that time of year again

it is the official first big weekend of the summer. it's not the weekend i thought it was going to be - ruth didn't come down, but then i only just remembered that. "it's so easy, now, to get carried away."

friday night was looking like a night in on my own (see previous post), but at some point i got very happy pissed myself laughing at a conversation with laurence, and started dancing round my bedroom to gene's 'as good as it gets'. so i went out to meet ed round tottenham court road way, and spent a quite evening in various pubs - i seem to remember i only had two beers and a felafel kebab, but i could be wrong. talked about women and i realised i was probably okay after all. went home at a reasonable time.

saturday was beautiful. luke came down, and rachel (this rachel, not that one) and james had a picnic in the park outside our flat - virtually our own garden. rachel and james, king and queen of the picnici overdosed on humus, naturally, and we played a spot of frisbee. i began taking rachel through the rules of witch trial but i don't think it was ever going to really happen. we got pretty drunk on whiskery and ginger beer, and then some friends (in lieu of the ticket i bought for ruth) and i took off about five to the coronet for 'this is our punk rock'.

the venue was offering no pass-outs, which for a planned event of ten hours, is a bit rich, but i suppose that's what passes for punk rock these days 87p. being about six or seven at this point, we decided to get a curry round the corner before going in. this we did, recieving brandy on the house at the end, even though we hadn't finished our beers. i could only eat half of my scran (two side dishes and a stuffed paratha) so i got a doggy bag - we were in for the long haul and i knew it was going to come in handy at one a.m. so we entered a large silent room with a title screen projected onto a large canvas. there didn't appear to be much going on. someone started playing some music and an odd video came on. the music varied over the next hour or so, sometimes being quite dancible although the crowd was still largely seated. about nine or so, we took e. go me. i took a half at first, in case i had an unpleasant reaction or anything, which i didn't. i took the other half at ten, just as the rather pedestrian filler dj was finishing and zan lyons came on. zan was rather simply amazing. jaw dropping visuals and beats, alternated with him twatting around on the viola and making lots of noise. he'd cut up the end scenes of blade runner to fit with the pre-programmed beats while fucking around over the top of them, it was completely beautiful and hard and dancible. it was like post-everything, doom-hop. alec empire came on at midnight. he was blonde and in a grandad jumper, and possibly the most arrogant-looking person i've ever seen. it was a mixed bag allround from him; he started off playing a few tracks from intelligence and sacrifice and don't fuck with us - ronin's 'the destroyer', shizit's 'audio jihad 2' (cutting it off before the really good break down!), his own 'everything starts with a fuck', schizoid's 'everything is connected' (i think) and so on. good, but frankly i can do it at home. then as he arsed around more, he began to lose the crowd a bit. about half way through, it got really good, but in a pretty undanceable, beard stroking way, as he did an improvised fucking around bit. then it sort of not as good again, and then really good again at the end, he played some proper metal song, then a track by the locust (don't know the names...) which he kind of spoilt by feeling the need to make stupid noise over the top - the locust already has stupid noises in it. it was unecessary. - and finished with 'revolution action', great but kind of underlining how 'not as good as he was' he was.

venetian snares came on, and played the most amazingly atrocious music. i danced for about twenty minutes then went for a sit down; i think at this point, the e began to come over me. i sat with a glass of water, watching the manga film they were playing over the top, ninja scrolls, for a bit; the music was really good, but i just didn't feel like dancing to it. it was about twenty to one now, and i remembered my curry. i sat and et it, using the bread as a spoon in the trad fashion, and i thought i'd get a beer too. i thought, 'eating curry and drinking bitter on e; what could be better?' i finished my food and found my freinds (not really hard, as the place wasn't packed), who'd just taken another two. 'ah,' i thought, 'i can see you're in for the night then.' i got my coat and left, and as soon i went out of the building and couldn't hear venetian snares anymore, i felt very happy. everything else was normal; i just for all the world felt like i was being hugged. i got back and put on heron's beaucolic debut album, then neutral milk hotel's 'aeroplane', to which i fell asleep.

i was very reflective and aware during the whole experience of the chemistry and reality of it; but it was great in several ways; partly in that i got a distilled smaple of seratonin. i can now say, ah, yes, that's what that chemical feels like. it was pure and simple. my thoughts were repetive on it; looping round as i tried to explore the feeling, but it was just too simple to find much to say about. and yes, i looked at my cds and thought 'crikey, so many of these are so miserable,' and it has somewhat changed my perspective. it's so chemical, like the first chapter of 'do androids dream...', where they can just choose what mood they want to feel for the day. i felt that maybe a whole one had been too much; the feeling began to disturb me in it's brazeness and simplicity. i don't think i'll feel the need to do it again.

the next day i still felt good; a lazy morning/afternoon consisting of a fry-up and watching lightning bolt videos on the internet, and then out to the second picninc of the weekend; the second annual hampstead heath pincin and bonfire, although it seemed to only be me wanting to think of it as such. here is a report of last year's picnic. it's a year ago! huzzah! luke and i got to hampstead, did some shopping and hung out while waiting for everyone else. it was probably about two hours late starting, and that was from the unreasonable time of three o'clock. but it was great. midges starting crowding round us, and we figured it was time to start the fire, which we did just as it was gloaming. luke is essential in these ventures.
adrian, michelle and alex
luke and adrian
night vision
hush the warmth
emma and ed
searching for fire wood on hamsptead heath does get you the wrong kind of glances from the cruisers, but they're quite easy to put off. when adrian left with the guitar, we sang musical songs with attempted four part harmonies. the night very much drew in and it was lovely. i felt like i always do when faced with such greatness; wistful. we utterly extinguished the fire about ten and set off to leave, via the pub for one last drink. i was begining to fall asleep, and so left to read the silmarillion on the train home. didn't even turn my light on; that kind of happiness is exhausting. i slept like a log and dreampt of difficult things. i think. something to do with travelling. maybe.

i'm now supposing i'll never hear from ruth again - she's normally completely on the button with replying to texts. in some ways this may be for the best - long distance friendships often mean more heartbreak than anything else - but it could have been an interesting experiment with pluralism. it's good to miss people.

UPDATE: the last paragraph is now no longer true. i was a bit pre-emptive there.

Friday

i frozed up

so i messed up getting ruth down here because i didn't text her back to confirm it. i thought she'd already booked the tickets. i always find difficult to know what to text someone spontaeniously, a word i can never spell but find ever so useful, so conact with far off people has become less intense as texting has taken over from calling as the main communication pipe. if she'd have come, i'd have probably been off now, into town to pick her up from the station, but instead i'm facing the night in on my todd.

and then i messed up and got a hard drive that didn't fit the connectors in my tiny shuttle pc. the drive was meant to make everything in my life flow again - i would reinstall java, flash, high faluting music softwares, and maybe even thief 2 so i can play throught the fan missions. now i'm back to waiting for everything forever before stuff works.

since living here, i've been sucked into telly something rotten. ian and i watched all three series of peep show in two days, in preparation for the start of tonight's new series, which obviously i'm going out so i'm not going to watch. i'll wait for it to come out on video.

we watched basic instinct, too. it really is terrible. ian and katie wanted to put i tried to convince ian that because it was paul verhoven it was all somehow ironic like star ship troopers, but actually no. it's rubbish. everything in it that's not laughable (micheal douglas walking in the nude) is boring or annoying (the music completely clashes with the film, in fact it does most of the work). as a detective story, it's utterly linear. there's nothing to the plot, which doesn't twist as much as turn at one point. in fact it comes across as something similar to trapped in the closet set in the hollywood hills.

'piece of shit, now walk away'.

Wednesday

slow death

ladyfest 2008 starts here.

there hasn't been a ladyfest in london since 2002; the first 'event' (not even a fundraiser at this stage) of 2008 took place on monday night. it's hard to get your head around. what with there being a 3:1 ratio of male to female performers.

first we had 'acoustic singer/songwriter one' who had a pretty good voice on her and some interesting hands. her cheerier song was quite good, but the others ground me down a bit.

then some smiths/hefner fans came onto the stage and sang some slightly dull songs about killing a man or being dumped, depending on the song. they were three men and i was confused. they seemed like nice guys; maybe it's turned into 'lady and gentleman' fest.

then the bobby mcgees came on; hooray! the bass player was late, so i had to set up the stage, which i didn't do very well, but was still rewarded with two beer tokens. i think they made a lot of fans, as they always do. 'we've got loads of cds', quipped jimmy, 'ocean colour scene, a pound..' or something.

i suppose they should have been headlining, because the band who were last on were pretty quiet and not very enthusiastic. stoney delta blues slide guitar and droney fem vox in period attire. two piece. 'er, great to be here at lady fest 2008' she said, sounding completely bored. 'it's my birthday, if anyone wants to buy me a pint,' she let on at the end, like eeyore questioning the quality of the morning.

and that was that. great eh?