staggered is a film. a very british film, i think - in it, martin clunes plays a groom, wakng up after his stag night on a remote scottish island, naked and bound. his mission is to get home before the best man takes full advantage of archaic marriage rules and usurping the bride, which he'd been plotting all along. the twist of course is that at the end of his oddessyan journey, he realises he doesn't want the girl, or any of it.

for some reason, this concept has been preying heavy on my mind; i can't fully express it so hopefully i will eventually here. the journey for something you really want that changes you so that you don't want it any mroe; i think the point is that either way, your desire is satisfied. it's not realising that somethng is not worth the effort - that doesn't stop you wanting something. it helps you get over it though. it's realising that the thing you wanted has no value, and that's fine too. and you don't feel disappointed that your efforts have been in vain, because they haven't - they made you grow as a person.

in a way, it's like the yom kippur fast - at the end of it all, you don't stuff your face as soon as the sun sets. you take it slowly, and gracefully. you could fast longer. you turn down the first chance to eat.

on firday, i don't know what was different in me, but instaad of calling anyone, i went out and stoked up on junk food - pizza, pies, beer, chocolate - all organic of course - pigged out and played lego star wars 'til four in the morning. the next day, ed and adrian came over with the intention that we'd play through dead rising, but at two in the morning we'd had enough - it wasn't as straightforwad as i thought it would be. not to do it with the plot anwyway (it's a great game, it really is, and the different ways of playing it really work - do you go for the plot, the rescue missiona, kill all the zombies (ha) or just try and survive?). ed stayed over, but adrian wanted to go home. unfortunately, he got the bus in the wrong direction and got mugged. life's like that i suppose.

so i've spent about an hour outside this flat this weekend. i think that's a tragic reocrd. it's funny, because ive had a not particularly enjoyable week at work, and getting out somewhere would have been great. i just couldn't do it. fortunately ed was online at somepoint on friday and came over saturday. i must be exagerating this - surely i'd have got out if i hadn't planned something for saturday. just ignore me, and listen to the cult of luna's cover of 'bodies' (i just deleted the original btw).

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