this joke is sponored by sam smiths pubs

bloke walks into the white horse in soho. he goes up to the bar and orders a bottle of oatmeal stout and a glass. he asks the barman to pour it for him.
"fair enough mate," says the barman, and as he pours it asks "what's up with your hand?"
the bloke's hand is a large oblong mass of iron. he says, "well i work as a blacksmith, see, and i lost my hand in a greeting accident. what with my work, it seemed to make sense to have it replaced with this here mallett."
at some point a wealthy cockney jeweller has walked in, spotted the bloke, and is not even trying to contain his excitement. he spritely walks up to the bloke and says "you! your 'and! i'll give you anything for it - 6 million pound! 10 million pound!"
"what - for this?" replies the bloke. "how come?"
the jeweller, gesticulating wildly, says, "it's the biggest 'ammer-fist i've ever seen!"

...and the joke is on sam smiths, because they don't advertise.
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